A scheduled life

I’ve struggled this month to think of what to share with you. Honestly, I’m just working a lot. My work as choral director at Harvard-Westlake School and as director of music at Neighborhood Church is very fulfilling. But it’s hard. I wake up early and come home tired. My commute is long, and there always seems to be some extra problem I have to solve or some difficult circumstance I have to deal with. Plus, I have occasional performances, film sessions, composition projects, choral clinics, festivals, meetings, and all sorts of professional activities that can quickly fill up my calendar and drive me into the ground if I’m not careful. So to avoid wearing myself out, I’m practicing keeping my priorities in order, setting clear boundaries, saying “no” to that which causes undue grief, and saying “yes” to that which feeds my soul. (And saying “sorry” when I mess up!)

My family is my #1 priority, so Saturday, Sunday, and Monday evenings are for family. Unless there’s an important appointment or a special performance or something, we usually do chores, play video games, go shopping, and watch TV (football, if I have my way!). I do not schedule meetings, rehearsals, or work-related events during family time. This time that I spend with my family is the most sacred time of my week and is critical to my health and well-being. Tuesdays are Bell Choir days – I get to have fun making music at Neighborhood Church without having to be in charge of anything! (Our Bell Choir director, F. Thomas Simpson, is phenomenal!).

Wednesday is date night. Thursday is church choir night (or a marathon day, because I work at least 14 hours on Thursdays). Friday evenings are for “me time” (I can do whatever the _ I want! (But I usually choose to be home with my family).

Sure, there’s room for flexibility here and there, but not much. And yes, there are times when I screw up and double-book myself or overschedule my calendar to the point where I have no time to rest. It’s hard to be disciplined and stick to the plan. But by prioritizing my activities the way I described above, I have a better shot at getting the exercise, nutrition, rest, and renewal I need in order to maintain a healthy existence.

Maybe I just needed to write this out to remind myself of how I’m supposed to operate. I suspect lots of performers struggle with this sort of thing, and hopefully it will be helpful. Thanks for reading.

0

5 + 3 on the “Auction Block”

When the Italian high school students sang “No More Auction Block for Me” for us during our exchange visit while we were on tour to Venice, Tuscany, Umbria, and Rome last month, I was surprised by how much I learned from that singular experience.

First of all, the Italians clearly loved the song. The diction was cringey, but I guess it was the thought that counted. Still, I felt uncomfortable the whole time.

Second, after the exchange was over and we were returning to our hotel, I explained my experience to one of my colleagues. I had decided the students’ performance lacked connection, depth, and authenticity, which is why it had been difficult for me to watch and hear.

Third, considering my second point above, my colleague helped me realize that in my heart I was being a bit elitist and ungrateful. Here they sang an African-American spiritual – this was their tribute to my country. What an honor! No, these Italian kids can never understand and express a spiritual like I can. But they clearly connected to something universal and transcendent in that music. Renditions of spirituals (like a lot of treasured folk music) have value and depth beyond authenticity and technique. And I should always remember that point, especially when the tables are turned and I’m trying to do justice to music that’s not from my own land. I love so many different kinds of music, and I have so much to learn. I would hate to be judged in the same way I initially internally judged those sweet Italian kids.

Fourth, the fact that these children learned and sang a spiritual is a miracle and a testament to the global influence of these works. Now that these young Italians, thanks to their enlightened instructors, know this song (even if only on a surface level), the seeds of authentic understanding and connection between our peoples might take root and grow. How amazing is that?!

Fifth, I might not have learned this lesson if I hadn’t traveled away from home. I believe it is vital to leave home, to see the world and connect with different cultures. I was humbled by the hospitality of the Italians I met. Until I was embraced as a tourist in Italy, I had forgotten how important it is to understand my African-American heritage in the context of my American identity.

So then I thought, “what other versions are there of ‘No More Auction Block for Me?” It’s not one of the spirituals with which I am most familiar. Here are a few that I found:

Bob Dylan

Martha Redbone

Sweet Honey in the Rock

0

In spite of it all

I want to write about how thankful I am for all the blessings in my life this year; for my family; for my my work at Harvard Westlake and at Neighborhood Church Pasadena; for Tonality, Street Symphony, NANM; for LAMC and the LA Phil; for studio gigs and creative projects; for doctors and physical therapy; for psychologists, behavior specialists and teachers; for coaches and mentors and besties and colleagues, for sports and beer and video games and trampolines and an abundance of food and music…

But honestly, I’ve been going through some stuff. I’ll be okay, but I’ve been overwhelmed lately. I’ve been worried. I’ve been in pain. And sometimes it’s hard to be generous when we’re in pain or in need. We hoard our time, our money, our food, our space. Or sometimes we act carelessly and with ingratitude when we give and give and give at the expense of taking care of our own complex needs. We give away our time and money when we most need it to tend our own homes and souls. We fill up time instead of taking time. We fill up space instead of making space or holding space. Pain, grief, and need take us off balance. And I have been feeling this.

But I AM grateful. And I pray I am kind and loving despite my pain. I hope I remember to look beyond my own circumstance to see (and help meet) the needs of others. I hope I say “you’re welcome” as often as I say “thank you.” And I pray I have the courage, the strength, and the presence of mind to take folks up on their offers of generosity so I can hear the words “you’re welcome” and know the depth of their meaning.

We need balance. And it takes both courage and community to be both grateful and generous.

And it’s complicated, so let’s give ourselves a break.
Happy Thanksgiving.

0

Tough month

The first 4-6 weeks of the school/church year are notoriously stressful for our family, as I’m sure it is for most families. But it seems like the start to this year has been exceedingly stressful. Not gonna lie: it’s been really tough. And the sudden passing of my beloved composition teacher Dr. Carolyn Bremer from CSULB weighs on me still.

It’s complicated. Seems like everything is more complicated. Don’t get me wrong. Like I said last month, new settings have added an element of hope to things. Working at Neighborhood Church is a dream come true. My kids are moving forward in their new school settings. My husband survived his work as a singer for the Jewish High Holy Day services (my fellow singers and Jewish friends all know what that’s like!). I have much for which to be thankful. I know there are many in our city whose daily struggles are far worse than mine; whose basic needs for food, shelter, and clothing are not met.

So as we head into October, I’ll be reminding myself of some important truths. For me, these truths include:

1. I can’t take care of anyone if I’m not taking care of myself (everday needs: practice, pray, drink water, do a chore, read, exercise).

2. Being kind is key.

3. Cutting corners is unacceptable.

4. Grief can be a long process (I grieve for my country, my lost loved ones, my lost relationships, my failures).

5. We need the darkness to see the light.

0

It’s working

After several weeks of vacation mode, I feel rejuvenated. I’ve taken time this summer to sleep in, watch TV, take long walks with Vincent, compose music, ride waterslides with my girls, and sometimes just do absolutely nothing. And no matter what happens during the day, I can always come home and bounce my little trampoline until I feel better. Also, I bought an ocarina! I’m feeling inspired lately. Suddenly, I’m feeling the urge to go back to work. My school year begins in late August, but it’s time to start preparing now.

May you also find what you need this summer.

0