Circle of Life
Circle of Friends
Circle of Fifths
Circle of Care
Circle of Security
Circle of Siblinghood
Circle of Service
A circle is a boundary. The 2020-21 academic year taught me a lot about circles and boundaries. I find that when I’m stressed and scared and frustrated and angry and possibly traumatised or abused, my boundaries become more rigid. I don’t have the capacity for flexibility. It’s a fight or flight modality of thinking. When I don’t have enough money, splurging or spending more is not an option. Saving money, however little it might seem, becomes a matter of survival. When I feel my safety is at risk, adventure is not an option. And trust becomes extremely difficult to embrace. When I feel my sanity is hanging by a thread, self-preservation is survival. I can’t risk even the slightest social or intellectual challenge for fear of completely losing it and breaking down altogether. And so I erect rigid boundaries to keep myself safe, to keep me as healthy as possible, to keep me going when I feel like I could break at any moment. I’d say that for many of us, much of the 2020-21 school year was this way.
But I also think back on those moments when a friend reached out to see how I was doing, or when I was inspired by the work and wisdom of colleagues and students, or when my family came up around me to comfort me or to make me laugh. I recall seeing signs in the midst of darkness that there was light at the end of the tunnel, and it gave me hope. And when I saw hope, I felt the urge to push past a boundary and widen my circle. In these moments of hope, I found courage to ask for help one more time. I found enough courage to take an extra step, even when the ground felt like it was crumbling beneath my feet. I felt courageous enough to trust that if I allowed myself to be vulnerable, the benefits might outweigh the drawbacks. Maybe for a split second, I dared to let my guard down and do or say something with a courageous expectation that my efforts would not be in vain. With hope supplied from the loving energy of colleagues, friends, and family; and with evidence of positive change and growth around me in my community, I found enough courage to push the boundaries that were keeping me in my own little safe circle. And this is how my circle grows.
I understand why we need boundaries. We need to know the limits of our circle so that we can survive. We need to know who not to trust, when to say no, where not to go, and when to conserve resources. But as we define and redefine the boundaries of our circle, may we strive to soften it, push it, and draw it ever wider so that we ourselves may grow. After all, this is the circle of life. It’s not a dead, rigid circle, but a living circle that breathes and moves as life challenges and changes us along the way.
Conducting & Composition
I’m thrilled to share that my proposal to present a session called “Come Together: Fostering Meaningful Collaborations between Composers and Conductors” with my friend and fellow composer Dale Trumbore was selected to be included in the ACDA Western Region Conference in March 2022.
Can’t wait to see y’all in Long Beach!
For Fun
