In this house, for which I am so grateful, Sometimes I feel like we’re in a cocoon. I don’t feel trapped. I think I see us changing, growing, blooming, awakening. I hope.
There are many painful and awkward days. There is uncertainty and risk and failure ahead. Often, change feels like loss. And there is deep grief and pain. But something is holy here,
Here in this holy cocoon from which we cannot yet emerge; Where we are stuck and in pain. Are we stuck and in pain because our legs have fallen off? Is that what has changed? Is that why we can’t move? Will we never walk again?
We had better be growing wings, then.
COMPOSITION
Yay! I finished movements 2 and 3 of my Nocturnes for Piano. Now to crunch out the 1st movement. I’ve got a good start on it, but I’m struggling with the development.
CONDUCTING
I shot a video of my conducting practice the other day. Ugh. So much work to do. I’m working on preparing the Duruflé “Sanctus,” which I’ll need to record for real soon for an upcoming virtual choir project.
SINGING
I had fun using GarageBand to create a multitrack recording of my setting of “Veni Sancte Spiritus” today. Singing alto, tenor, and bass is fun for this reluctant soprano.
I’m playing “Zelda: Breath of the Wild” on Nintendo Switch. It is a masterpiece of a video game! The landscapes are vast and beautiful, the animation is exceptional, and the story is classic. Best of all, the music is wonderful! It’s like they use chamber music textures to give the game a more intimate feel. It’s a great way to escape from the troubles of this world for a little while.
Trailer for Nintendo Switch: “Zelda: Breath of the Wild”
The need for self love and self care is crucial, and working to help uplift and show care toward other Black people is a vital part of this work. As a member of the national board for the National Association of Negro Musicians (NANM), here is a statement I have crafted about our work:
“With gratitude and reverence for the pioneers who have come before and for those who are with us now; with sober focus and determination to carry on the work of honoring and advancing our legacy; in the face of all manner of trials and tribulations in our midst: the National Association of Negro Musicians is firmly committed to its mission of promoting, preserving, and supporting all genres of music created or performed by African Americans.”
Core Messsage Concepts:
To all creators, performers, and educators who identify as Black, African American, Negro, or Colored;
To all those who seek to promote, preserve, and support all genres of music created or performed by African Americans:
WE CARE FOR EACH OTHER – Here’s what NANM provides…
scholarship money;
a platform for cultural engagement and celebration;
educational/historical/cultural resources;
a space for those who identify as members of the African diaspora to be seen and to process shared experience.
WE SEE EACH OTHER – Here’s who NANM honors for already doing the work…
WE APPRECIATE EACH OTHER – Here’s who honors and supports NANM’s work…
Our donors and members
WE NEED EACH OTHER – Here’s who we need to help continue NANMs legacy…
solicitation of scholarship applicants;
calls for scholarly papers and articles;
calls for presenters and performers at national convention.
I’m working on building the infrastructure that enable us to more effectively fulfill our organizational mission, thereby strengthening and uplifting ourselves so that we may be sustained in the fight against racism alongside our non-Black siblings.
Composition
I’ve had so much inspiration to work on new projects that I can hardly figure out where to begin. I’ve also had numerous requests for scores from my catalogue of completed works. If you would like to peruse a score or purchase a license for one or more of my works, please use the contact form on my website at zanaidarobles.com. Sometimes it takes me a couple days, but I’ll respond as soon as I possibly can. I’m excited to share my music with you!
In the meantime, here’s a recent recording I made of my work “Umoja” for treble voices. I added a few things to spice it up!
Umoja , arranged and sung by Zanaida Robles
Conducting
As I prepare to go back to the “virtual” choir room this fall, I’m working on shoring up my conducting skills. Conducting is such a magical art form to me, and I grieve the loss of the ability to practice my art due to COVID-19. However, I’ve decided to commit to continuing to work on my craft and to use my skills in the service of my ensembles through video. Some works I’m hoping to video record myself conducting this fall include “Sanctus” from Requiem by Maurice Duruflé, “Hehlehlooyuh” by James Furman, and my very own composition “Kyrie.”
As I prepare for this fall, I have been reviewing texts and notes from my doctoral studies at USC. I’ve also been reading choral music publications and paying attention to the current work of my colleagues in the field of choral music education. One of the most delightful things I’ve found was my friend Dr. Christopher Gravis’s video introduction to instrumental conducting. His video was absolutely inspirational to me, reminding me how amazingly complex our art form can be and how we have a responsibility to put in the work to thoroughly study and fully comprehend the music we conduct, regardless of whether it’s instrumental or choral. Here’s the video:
Instrumental Conducting: Introduction to the Orchestra, the Score, and Transposition — by Christopher Gravis, posted June 2020.
Singing
When I’m not recording vocals for various professional projects, I’ve been singing through my 24 Italian Art Songs and Arias, trying to work on my legato phrasing and vowel alignment. (I enjoy playing them on my flute, too!)
I’m also playing around with GarageBand to create new music. Here’s a recording I did not too long ago of “Karitas Habundat” by 12th century composer and mystic Hildegard von Bingen.
Karitas Habundat by Hildegard von Bingen, sung by Zanaida Robles
For Fun
My daughter is really into K-Pop right now. I love watching her dance to this music because she moves with such effortless style and confidence. I’m in awe of how easily she picks up these dance steps; she’s such a natural dancer (complete opposite of me!). She tried to teach me the dance steps to a couple of songs. Laughter ensued, and then I gave up. But it’s fun to try! Start here:
BLACKPINK – ‘Kill This Love’ DANCE PRACTICE VIDEO (MOVING VER.)
This post originally appeared in Zanaida’s monthly newsletter. Are you on the list? Subscribe here
When I wrote to you last month, I hadn’t processed the full magnitude of my grief over the loss of choral singing due to the COVID-19 crisis. We’d already been working from home for a week. I was holding choir rehearsals over Zoom, insisting that my students sing and rehearse with the recordings I played from my computer.
On one particular day between classes, I noticed a friend had tagged me in a video posted on Facebook of the LA Master Chorale, singing Eric Whitacre’s “i carry your heart” at Disney Hall in 2016. Another friend commented sweetly that they had spotted me in the video. Until that point, I had been avoiding videos of virtual choirs, A-cappella app projects and footage of past performances. But in a moment of vanity, I thought, “I should watch it since I’m in it. I wonder what I looked like in 2016? Let me see how much less visible my gray hair was back then.” So I clicked. Then time stopped.
https://youtu.be/ZMqZrtaBsCY
I dissolved at the sight and sound of us singing “i carry your heart.” I melted into tears.
The way I responded was kinda like that scene in Disney’s Ratatouille, when, with the first bite of this masterful dish, the food critic is dramatically transported back to childhood, savoring a delicious meal prepared with extraordinary care and skill by someone they loved and who loved him.
Shatteringly, I thought of Orlando di Lasso’s Lagrime di San Pietro, #10 “Come falda di neve.” In this video excerpt from our performance in 2016 (I’m on the back row), you can see the translation of the latin text which talks about the melting of St. Peter’s heart.
The video ends just before the final phrase which says, “When Christ turned his eyes to look at him It all melted and dissolved into tears.”
These days, I continue to dissolve at the sight and sound of our singing, because I keep seeing and hearing the divine (Christ) within each of us, but only through a screen.
I remember how excruciatingly difficult it was to memorize Lagrime. How did I even do it?!?
I guess I did it in a manner similar to what I’ve been having my own students do during this period of “social distancing” due to COVID-19. I recorded myself singing along to videos of our blocking rehearsals, which the LA Master Chorale provided as a means for us to study our movement at home. In my car and at home everyday, several times a day, I listened to that audio practice recording I made using my phone and my computer.
It was so eye-opening to hear myself singing to/with my tribe. My singing on these practice recordings wasn’t perfect by any means. But I can hear myself singing with so much heart. I remember how everything was just easier and more musical when I could feel those voices against my own. In those recordings, I can hear what I sound like inside the ensemble. I sound like I’m at home inside the harmony, rising and falling, immersed in song with my fellow singers. That’s why I have my students do this work, singing and practicing with recordings of the voices of people that know and care about them. I hope they can hear and feel at least a little of what I’ve felt and heard in this work.
I kept listening to my practice recordings in the car on my way to and from work for weeks following the premiere performance of Lagrime. Lately, I’ve started listening to them again, and every now and then, I get a little weepy. There are 20 separate madrigals in Lasso’s Lagrime di San Pietro, and we memorized them all. But number 10 was always my favorite. There is something so powerful about the melting of a frozen heart. Just as there’s something relatable about the dissolution of a person into tears.
BONUS: Quarantine music-making: Duet with my daughter
While we’ve been practicing being “safer at home,” my oldest daughter Felicity has taken up photography. I got her a nice-ish camera last year for her birthday, but she never used it until now. Last week, she asked me to look at some pictures she had taken in the backyard. I was so delighted to see she was using the gift I gave her.
And her pictures were lovely: nice contrast, vivid colors, great clarity. I’m no expert by any means, but I just adore visual art – various periods, various styles and mediums. I guess I’m a visual art lover the way some people are music lovers: I don’t know much about it, and I’m not very good at it myself. But I’m game for a trip to a museum or gallery any day! I miss being able to go to museums and galleries and just walk around and revel in being physically surrounded by the brilliant artistry of gifted humans. Both my daughters are among my very favorite visual artists right now, so I’ve been surrounding myself with their art. Felicity has always been great at painting and drawing. Now she does photography, too.
While I was eating breakfast Monday morning, she came down stairs, already dressed with her camera hanging around her neck. She said, “Mom I’m going out to take some pictures,” and she went into the back yard. Usually, Monday mornings are fraught with stress and anxiety and dread about school. But on this day, she was full of curiosity and lightness and peace. I followed her outside and watched her learn from her environment. She was trying to shoot a bee sitting on a cactus flower. She would flinch and squeal when the bee would fly toward her. She got frustrated when she couldn’t get a clear shot. She kept trying, then she decided to shoot something else. I felt like I was observing my daughter learn in a class being taught by a silent, wise, and wonderful invisible teacher.
Maybe there’s a teacher at work in all of us… And what if that teacher has always been there?…
Can you just imagine that poor teacher after all these years…
COMPOSITION I’m working on my “Kwanzaa Songs,” my “Te Deum” for choir and organ, and my “Three Moody Sketches for Piano.” And I continue to make plans for the recording of my album of Sacred Choral Works this summer (unless we’re still on lockdown, in which case who knows when it will be).
CONDUCTING I’m leading virtual choir rehearsals on Hiawatha’s Wedding Feast by Samuel Coleridge-Taylor with my students at Harvard-Westlake and Requiem by Maurice Durufle with my choir at Neighborhood Church. Actually, there has literally been no physical conducting involved! because the video delay is so bad. But there is still so much singing we do together, even though we can’t really hear or see each other all at once. These sessions are the highlight of my week. This is where the power of audiation shines brightest. This is where the spirit of what we do as choral artists is most potent. Seeing each other engaged in this work on our computers, despite the fact our hearing and seeing is limited, is indescribably humbling and powerful.
SINGING No upcoming performances. I’ve just been using Garage Band software along with my phone recorder to capture and mix my singing. I’m working on music for next week’s church service, which is being streamed live on Zoom and posted later on Facebook. I also have a few fun little personal projects that keep me busy.
PIANO Suddenly, I have time to practice! I’m learning Beethoven Piano Sonata no. 1. I’m also reminding myself how to play Invention no. 1 by Bach, Austrian Song by Patcher, and Toccata by Khachaturian. I’ve begun to teach Natalie about posture and hand position. She plays everyday, teaching herself songs by wrote and making up little songs of her own. She’s exploring triads, inversions, and octave displacement (though she has no idea that’s what she’s doing! There goes that silent, wise, and wonderful invisible inner teacher again). She says she wants me to teach her how to read music next week.
FLUTE I suddenly also have time to play my flute! I’m working on improving my tone and fingering by playing scales and exercises. Wow, it’s really hard for me to play those higher notes because my embouchure is so weak. I need a lot of practice!
COOKING Just kidding! I don’t really like to cook. Thank God for Vincent and Felicity!
Upcoming events
Live events have been placed on hold due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but we’ll be back! Keep an eye on the Events page for the latest news.
I live with a family of gamers. Therefore, I too am a gamer. Video games don’t come naturally to me, but I can get by and have fun. I also like watching my family members play video games from time to time because I love to see the excitement and joy it brings them. I play and watch video games with my family to show them that I appreciate the value and meaning in the games they play. But recently, my husband got me into a game I love to play myself.
I love Doom! I mean, I love playing the XBox oneX version of the 2016 reboot of Doom. The first time I ripped off a demon’s arm from it’s socket and used it to pulverize that same demon’s skull into a million bloody pieces, thereby increasing my health meter, I was hooked! The music is epic and the graphics are incredible. Here are all the lessons I’m learning from Doom that are applicable to my life as a parent, musician, and teacher:
Chores and projects are like demons coming to reduce your health meter.
Slaying demons increases your health meter.
Sometimes you don’t have enough energy in your health meter to slay the big demons.
Sometimes you have to slay a few lesser demons to build up your health meter so you can take on the bigger demons with full health.
When the demons are upon you, keep moving! Never stop moving!
You can’t jump to a higher ledge if you’re not looking up!
When the pace slows down and the demons are at bay, take time to reorient yourself and enjoy the beauty of the martian surface around you.
Take time to search for hidden pathways and find secret treasures like keys and weapons upgrades that can help you slay demons more efficiently.
As you advance, the demons get, bigger, uglier, and harder to slay.
Sometimes you just want to shoot some random inanimate objects. It doesn’t advance your mission, but it’s entertaining and enables you to practice your aim.
As the demons get harder to slay, your weapons become more potent and your health meter lasts longer.
When the game ends and the credits roll, you won’t remember all times you died. You’ll think back on the good ol’ times you had slaying all those demons with your mad skills and cool weapons.
Many thanks to my husband for enabling my discovery of the art of video games. It’s amazing how well concepts and skills used in video games can translate to our everyday life and work. I’m glad my kids get to play so much – they’re learning a lot!
