Just now, they were out of rotisserie chicken at the store. Another woman was also looking for chicken. When all we found where the chicken should be was some sad-looking overpriced meatloaf, we wished each other luck and I thought about getting the meatloaf. I was about to give up and leave when I heard her say, “Hey! They’re packing up fresh chickens right now!” I hurried over. As the deli staff handed us both our hot ‘n ready chickens, I thanked my fellow shopper for getting my attention before I walked out. Then she said, “Friends don’t let friends buy the meatloaf.”
Chicken in hand, I walked outside in the pouring rain, and that’s when it all hit me like a ton of bricks:
Rev. Zelda is gone.
Violence is real.
Diseases are devastating.
Division is everywhere.
Depression/anxiety is such a draining condition.
I can’t help everyone. Sometimes I can’t help anyone.
I can’t even help myself!
Rain is pouring everywhere. Tears blur my vision. Walking in this wet parking lot, I feel tiny and vulnerable and at the mercy of the universe. And I’m embarrassed because I know people can see me. Worse, they might even hear me sniffling. Thank God for that person who treated me like a friend. Her presence and her simple, funny, friendly words gave me hope that things could be ok.
I’m back in my car. My chicken got a little wet. But I’m ok, thank God. Thank God for this warm dry car and this chicken. Thank God for that friendly woman, and for our beloved Rev. Zelda…; thank God for meds, for friends, for children, for music, and for the rain. Oh how we need this rain.
[Adapted from an earlier Facebook post]
… is the opposite of what I think and feel most of the time. It seems like this past month has been full of lessons about about endurance and faith. At the forefront of my consciousness this morning is that drive to Santa Monica I need to make… like, right now. I’ve been thinking of Daniel Chaney everyday because I love him and he’s in hospice right now. I think “I’m not thinking of the right things right now! I am supposed to be thinking something else!”