5 + 3 on the “Auction Block”

When the Italian high school students sang “No More Auction Block for Me” for us during our exchange visit while we were on tour to Venice, Tuscany, Umbria, and Rome last month, I was surprised by how much I learned from that singular experience.

First of all, the Italians clearly loved the song. The diction was cringey, but I guess it was the thought that counted. Still, I felt uncomfortable the whole time.

Second, after the exchange was over and we were returning to our hotel, I explained my experience to one of my colleagues. I had decided the students’ performance lacked connection, depth, and authenticity, which is why it had been difficult for me to watch and hear.

Third, considering my second point above, my colleague helped me realize that in my heart I was being a bit elitist and ungrateful. Here they sang an African-American spiritual – this was their tribute to my country. What an honor! No, these Italian kids can never understand and express a spiritual like I can. But they clearly connected to something universal and transcendent in that music. Renditions of spirituals (like a lot of treasured folk music) have value and depth beyond authenticity and technique. And I should always remember that point, especially when the tables are turned and I’m trying to do justice to music that’s not from my own land. I love so many different kinds of music, and I have so much to learn. I would hate to be judged in the same way I initially internally judged those sweet Italian kids.

Fourth, the fact that these children learned and sang a spiritual is a miracle and a testament to the global influence of these works. Now that these young Italians, thanks to their enlightened instructors, know this song (even if only on a surface level), the seeds of authentic understanding and connection between our peoples might take root and grow. How amazing is that?!

Fifth, I might not have learned this lesson if I hadn’t traveled away from home. I believe it is vital to leave home, to see the world and connect with different cultures. I was humbled by the hospitality of the Italians I met. Until I was embraced as a tourist in Italy, I had forgotten how important it is to understand my African-American heritage in the context of my American identity.

So then I thought, “what other versions are there of ‘No More Auction Block for Me?” It’s not one of the spirituals with which I am most familiar. Here are a few that I found:

Bob Dylan

Martha Redbone

https://youtu.be/O0iyrTNKAOU

Sweet Honey in the Rock

April 25, 2019 Zanaida 0

In spite of it all

I want to write about how thankful I am for all the blessings in my life this year; for my family; for my my work at Harvard Westlake and at Neighborhood Church Pasadena; for Tonality, Street Symphony, NANM; for LAMC and the LA Phil; for studio gigs and creative projects; for doctors and physical therapy; for psychologists, behavior specialists and teachers; for coaches and mentors and besties and colleagues, for sports and beer and video games and trampolines and an abundance of food and music…

But honestly, I’ve been going through some stuff. I’ll be okay, but I’ve been overwhelmed lately. I’ve been worried. I’ve been in pain. And sometimes it’s hard to be generous when we’re in pain or in need. We hoard our time, our money, our food, our space. Or sometimes we act carelessly and with ingratitude when we give and give and give at the expense of taking care of our own complex needs. We give away our time and money when we most need it to tend our own homes and souls. We fill up time instead of taking time. We fill up space instead of making space or holding space. Pain, grief, and need take us off balance. And I have been feeling this.

But I AM grateful. And I pray I am kind and loving despite my pain. I hope I remember to look beyond my own circumstance to see (and help meet) the needs of others. I hope I say “you’re welcome” as often as I say “thank you.” And I pray I have the courage, the strength, and the presence of mind to take folks up on their offers of generosity so I can hear the words “you’re welcome” and know the depth of their meaning.

We need balance. And it takes both courage and community to be both grateful and generous.

And it’s complicated, so let’s give ourselves a break.
Happy Thanksgiving.

November 24, 2018 Zanaida 0

Tough month

The first 4-6 weeks of the school/church year are notoriously stressful for our family, as I’m sure it is for most families. But it seems like the start to this year has been exceedingly stressful. Not gonna lie: it’s been really tough. And the sudden passing of my beloved composition teacher Dr. Carolyn Bremer from CSULB weighs on me still.

It’s complicated. Seems like everything is more complicated. Don’t get me wrong. Like I said last month, new settings have added an element of hope to things. Working at Neighborhood Church is a dream come true. My kids are moving forward in their new school settings. My husband survived his work as a singer for the Jewish High Holy Day services (my fellow singers and Jewish friends all know what that’s like!). I have much for which to be thankful. I know there are many in our city whose daily struggles are far worse than mine; whose basic needs for food, shelter, and clothing are not met.

So as we head into October, I’ll be reminding myself of some important truths. For me, these truths include:

1. I can’t take care of anyone if I’m not taking care of myself (everday needs: practice, pray, drink water, do a chore, read, exercise).

2. Being kind is key.

3. Cutting corners is unacceptable.

4. Grief can be a long process (I grieve for my country, my lost loved ones, my lost relationships, my failures).

5. We need the darkness to see the light.

September 25, 2018 Zanaida 0

It’s working

After several weeks of vacation mode, I feel rejuvenated. I’ve taken time this summer to sleep in, watch TV, take long walks with Vincent, compose music, ride waterslides with my girls, and sometimes just do absolutely nothing. And no matter what happens during the day, I can always come home and bounce my little trampoline until I feel better. Also, I bought an ocarina! I’m feeling inspired lately. Suddenly, I’m feeling the urge to go back to work. My school year begins in late August, but it’s time to start preparing now.

May you also find what you need this summer.

July 25, 2018 Zanaida 0

Enough!

For my entire adult life, I’ve been extremely busy. I’ve always had multiple jobs. I’ve always had to drive all over the place for work. I’ve felt guilty for not spending enough time with family. I never seemed to have time to just hang out with folks. Even with a doctorate in music, I sometimes don’t feel that I’ve accomplished enough: I constantly wonder “have I made it?” “Can I afford to feel content?” Add children and a husband to the mix, and now I’m constantly worried about whether THEY have “enough.”

I’ve struggled to battle the lie that there isn’t enough time, there isn’t enough money, there isn’t enough food, there isn’t enough room. This scarcity mentality has been at the root of my perceived need to stay busy. Fear of scarcity has kept me from being generous to myself and to the people I care about. I believe I’ve had enough! I’ve always had enough. I am enough. I know I’ve been blessed, and I intend to celebrate my blessings.

So this summer, I have enough!

I’m taking the time to exercise and make healthier eating choices. I’m taking time to just be at home with my family. I’m taking my money and being strategic with it (not stingy) so I can do nice things for myself and for my loved ones, all summer long. I’m traveling to conferences in Las Vegas and in Portland later this summer, because I refuse to succumb to my fear that I can’t afford the cost or that I can’t afford to spend two weeks away from home for personal and professional enrichment. I’m working with my family to create a more beautiful, more functional, and less cluttered space at home, because I insist there’s enough room for all of us to live peacefully and happily in our shared space.

I’d also like to acknowledge that there are so many people on this earth who truly don’t have enough. There are people with all imaginable needs, and their needs go unmet because of broken systems and stingy, broken people who don’t believe there’s enough of anything for anyone or who are determined to make “enough” for themselves at the expense of everyone else. Stinginess and gluttony are two sides of the same coin: I believe both are driven by the perception of scarcity.

Enough is enough. Period.

June 25, 2018 Zanaida 0